My First Time with Gaslighters and A Toxic Friendship(And how I coped with it)

Gaslighting, something one should get a taste of as early as possible, because it is important to develop a coping mechanism that cannot, and should not be overpowered.

I know it’s tough. Even I ended up being “that suggestible loser”.

I’ve had my first experience recently, to be particular, today. A few hours ago. So, I felt the need to talk about it.

I always like to venture into multiple activites, and someone had problems due to the same. That someone is my friend, and makes me feel I am not good enough for anything. Not point-blank, but tangentially.

These are a few comebacks that worked for me:

  • The energy you wasted in analysing every aspect of my life, could have been channelised into something productive.
  • No need to tell me what’s better for me. I am already fortunate to have many other wellwishers around.
  • I am immune to gaslighting. Try this on someone else.

If you don’t think you need to get into a heated arguement or a dramatic stand-off, these are the things you should tell yourself:

  • You are sane, trust me. You don’t need to prove your worth in accordance with standards set by others.
  • You’re great, sane, brilliant.(Think about people who love you and you believe you are blessed to have in your life.)
  • I don’t give a shit. (My All Time Favourite).

So, if you feel IDGAF-ish, Viola! You just mastered the art of dealing with gaslighters.

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Your Face!

“Your face so spotless.

Not a single scar to be seen. No blemishes. No freckles.

Immaculate beauty.

Your thick black hair perfectly gelled.

Every strand in place.

Man, you’re a piece of art!

Drawn closer by your manly gaze. Dear ladies, watch out!

That’s a mask. There’s a layer underneath.

A monster so wild will scare you away, will haunt you in your dreams.

His European colognes don’t hide the stench of murder he emanates.

Of blood. Fresh blood.

The silence he entertains is the lull before the storm.

His deceptive smile, how fleeting!

Wait for him to be his true colour.”

I mumble this to myself every day, and I am not guilty.

I’ll wash all the blood off my hands and water it down the drain.

Am I supposed to be sad?

Yes, I am a murderer, stay away from me, or be cursed to be my next quarry.

I Live Better

I might not own as many cars as you.

My life might not be as luxurious as yours.

My lavish mansion is not overflowing with dollar bills.

I might not be a self made corporate tycoon.

But believe me, I am happier.

I don’t need to do the same thing over and over again. Every day.

I don’t come back home frustrated after work like you.

I will never reach my burn out.

My every day is a new adventure. Even I don’t know what will follow.

You might be huge in the eyes of the herd. I am not. They always judge me by the work I do.

But believe me, my job is more interesting than yours.

It’s travel, it’s discovering, it’s exploring, it’s writing, it’s reading, it’s listening to music.

I can do whatever I want to. Something unlike your situation.

Hello? That doesn’t mean my job is easy. It needs more patience than yours.

I am not tied up in nerve stretching time crunches or board meetings.

I am free.

Yes, I am every YouTuber, freelancer, Internet Personality and every person behind an eCommerce website.

Yes, I dare to choose a unique profession.

I am not a doctor, engineer or a businessman.

I have chosen a road less travelled.

Yes, I Live Better.

What I Feel Is Unnecessary

Probably I am sick in the head.

May be I overthink.

I don’t believe I am like this.

Sometimes happy, and sometimes like this.

I bet I will age faster than I naturally should.

No, I am not underrating myself, neither do I have a low self esteem.

Then there’s a lot more to me. Insanity. Caprice. Mood swings faster than light, but on average, I am a happy person.

I experience useless emotions.

Yup, that’s me.

I Fear My Own Shadow

I am not strong like the people I know.

Yet, I am exceptionally good at hiding it.

No, I am not struggling with anything.

No, nothing that traumatic has happened to me.

I don’t have much sense of what tough time is,

since I have never been faced with it.

However, I fear. I am a coward. I confess.

I fear how timid I am. I am not enough to fight the big bad world.

I can’t, but I desperately want to be a vanquisher.

I don’t let anyone into my apprehensions and insecurities.

They’re laughable.

I am scared away by unimaginable situations. Unrealistic possibilities.

Might seem silly, but they’re derf enough to agitate me, give me sleepless nights.

I am not depressed.

I am not hallucinating.

I am not resorting to self harm.

I am not suicidal.

I am leading a very normal, happy life.

Believe me, I am completely lucid.

I don’t need to reach out for professionals.

I have learned how to handle it myself.

I am afraid of my weak self.

I know that is not how life is meant to be lived.

But I am gradually exploring the strength obscured within me.

I am glad it is there to manoeuvre me through minefields.

I find strength in God.

You need hope sometimes.

You say God can’t be seen, well, the same is with gravity, but it is real, right?

I think I need to look at myself in a more positive light,

and I know I will achieve it some day.

You know how?

By having a hearty laugh. Smile:)

Awkward Social Situations

This is what my company did for two and a half hours.

I was confronted with an awkward social situation for the first time. Honestly, I never knew it would be so awful. I won’t call myself an extrovert, but I certainly possess some of their attributes. I don’t hesitate in starting a conversation(usually).

So, here is the narrative. After very tiring study routines, I was searching for a solace. Since I searched, I found it, in a café.

Silence, good food, not very spicy, just the way I like it, good coffee. Well within my budget.

I got a chance to spend some time there, but with a person I had been forced to talk to.

Things get worse when the second person is not interested in talking, or may be, isn’t really bothered to.

“Master the art of speaking to people, after all, humans are social beings. Talk about something that interests others. Talk about their life, ask questions.”(In a mocking, sarcastic tone)

Well, screw whoever said that. That approach is not for practical life. That is not how it works.

I tried.

“How is your life going on? How are you doing these days? How is college? Made any new friends?”

None of them worked. Every question was answered, in a word. JUST ONE WORD!

“Fine” and “Yes”

But that mac and cheese made my day. The creamy taste with a hint of paprika powder is still in my mouth. I am glad the World Cup was being broadcast on TV. It saved me.

“If someone is not interested to talk to you, and you’re trapped, pretend you received a call from the President and walk out. “

Me

An Ode To Every Paper And Pen

Can’t believe you are going extinct.

Laptops and keyboards taking a toll on you.

Ironic that I am using the above right now.

But, seriously, I will miss you.

Please stay in touch.

I am happy I am a student. Since you both are always around me.

In my school bag, clinging to my back, dangling as I walk back home.

I will always love registers, textbooks and paperbacks more than ebooks or tablets.

Their white light makes me feel dizzy sometimes.

But, good old paperback never does that to me.

Simply good words intricately stringed like a beautiful neck piece of pearls…

People ill treat you for what you say,

Crumple paper out of frustration when you’re smeared with political rants.

Unlike others, I still respect you, laying aside every hateful word you say. Oh, Sir Paper, hats off to you!

Oh, Sir Pen, you sentenced so many to death. You established truce between nations, you made them wage wars.

Just by a stroke of your ink, you brought paradigm shifts.

I will always rever you. I find it audacious to compare you with something as trivial as a virtual keyboard.

I know you are plastic waste, I know you’re made out of felled trees.

Don’t feel edged out, for many like me, you are not out of fashion, you’re classy! And fashion too, repeats itself.

You bring to me, so many memories. Scribbling on tables, doodling on notebooks, writing projects, drawing diagrams.

Never did that on these gadgets.

You will occupy that same space in my heart, for eternity.